Joke of the day - Page 2

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

A man comes stumbling home so drunk he could barely see. When he wakes up in the morning, there is a glass of water, 2 aspirin , and a rose on the nightstand. He walks to the bathroom a little confused, and sees everything is perfectly clean and in order. He sees a black eye in the mirror, and is even more confused.

As he heads downstairs, he notices everything is perfect except a broken coffee table, and his favorite breakfast is on the table. He finally see's he teenager, and asks what happened.

He is told that he came stumbling in around 3 am, fell on the coffee table, then hit his head on the doorknob. After that, his wife tried to get him to bed, and he yelled "Leave me alone, I'm married"

His wife is out shopping for a coffee table and steak for dinner.

I bought some shoes of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

Kleptomaniacs never get puns..... They take everything literally

Originally Posted by BDAScrapper

Kleptomaniacs never get puns..... They take everything literally

Nice word play
I like that one

So Andrew Luck (QB of the Indianapolis Colts) grew out his beard all season for "Good Luck"
Anyone else find it Ironic that his season came to an end at Gillette Stadium?
Hmm Hmmm Hmmmm?

^^Now that is F'n funny right there...^^

And any hockey player will tell you that only works if you stop shaving when play-offs start.

I tried to catch the fog today.... I mist....