Joke of the day - Page 6

Johnny not the brightest kid in class the teacher sent many notes home to his father without any reply. One day the teacher pays a visit to the old man a blacksmith.

Upon his arrival gets right to the point saying johnny was not to bright, so the old man who was hammering out horse show before the teacher arrived asked him to pass him the shoe, teacher grabbed the hot shoe from the anvil immediately dropping it dancing around with blistered hands.

When the teacher finally settled down the old man gave a whistle and Johnny come a running yea Pa, the old man asks Johnny to pick up the shoe from where it had been dropped, Johnny spits on the hot shoe immediately noticing the fizzle picks up a pair of tongs then handing the hot shoe over to the old man.

The old man says to the teacher see Johnny ain’t so stupid.

How many of you remember singing there once was an Indian maid who said she wasn’t afraid bla bla.

Why do blondes like tilt steering ?

More headroom !

Bill the butcher had his wife tending the shop one day while he was out when john comes in to buy a steak.

Wife saya to john I dont know what to charge but you can pay my husband nexr time you see him.

John goes homes cooks up the steak has a fabulouse meal then retires for the evening.

Next morning while up town John runs into bob the butcher then asks him how much he owes for the meat he got from his wife.

Bon replies ahh forget it your wife dont charge me anything.

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it. A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman." "Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."

I stopped by my local Ford Dealership this morning to look for a new truck. I saw a nice F-350 crew cab loaded with all the options that I liked and asked to take it for a test drive.

The salesperson (a lady wearing a Hillary for President lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its options. She explained that the Electric Seats were connected to the ventilation system and could be set to direct cool air to your butt in the summer & warm air to your butt in the winter.

So I mentioned that this must be a "Trump truck". She looked at me a bit angry, and asked why I thought it was a Trump truck. I told her that if it were a Hillary truck, the seats would just blow smoke up my *** year round.

The two mile walk back to the dealership to pick up my truck was worth it.

Here is my joke of the day.

Two young women were out walking in the country on a hot summer’s day when they saw a beautiful lake close to the road.
‘It’s so hot! Let’s go for a swim in that lake to cool down!’ suggested the first woman.
‘But we haven’t got any swimming things to put on,’ said the other, ‘ We can’t swim naked!’
‘Oh, don’t worry about that!’ reassured the first woman, ‘ There’s nobody here to see us.’
So they took off all their clothes and got into the lovely cool water for a swim.
After only a few minutes they noticed a farmer walking towards the lake carrying a large bucket.
‘Are you here to ask us to get out of the lake?’ the first woman asked.
‘I think he’s here to look at us!’ said the second woman.
The old farmer frowned and held up the bucket for them to see.
‘No, I’m not here to tell you to get out of the lake and I didn’t come here to watch you ladies swim naked.’ he replied. ‘I’m just here to feed the alligator.

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC (Private First Class) who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

Nice jokes! LOL

Sirscrapalot - I got jokes AND goats.

Wife says "Honey, my boobs are too small. I'm thinking about getting a boob job."
Husband says "You shouldn't waste your money on a boob job. All you need to do is rub toilet paper between your boobs and they'll grow just fine."
Wife says "How the hell will rubbing toilet paper between my boobs make them grow, Mr. Smarty Pants?"
Husband says "It's worked wonders on your ass after all these years.....