Joke of the day - Page 7

A cowboy walks into a crowded saloon and says "I have a fully loaded 45 it's for the sum***** who's sleeping with my wife". A voice in back of the room hollers "you gonna need a lot more bullets".

There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day, and he noticed a white hearse coming up the road, and behind the hearse was a man walking with a brown goat, and behind them followed about 20 people.
The next day, the farmer was going after his mail again, and he looked up and saw the same hearse, the same man, the same goat, and about 75 people walking behind the hearse. The farmer's curiosity got the best of him. So he walked up to the man with the goat and asked, "I saw you yesturday about the same time as today, do you mind telling me what's happening?"
The man behind the hearse explained that his wife died, and the farmer said "Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?"
The man with the goat replied that the goat had killed her. The farmer said, "If you buried your wife yesterday, who's in the hearse today? The man with the goat replied, "My mother-in-law." The farmer thought a minute and asked the man with the goat, "Can I borrow your goat?" and he replied, "You'll have to get in line with the rest of these people."

"In one day Trump got more fat women out walking than Michelle Obama did in 8 years."

Originally Posted by hobo finds

"In one day Trump got more fat women out walking than Michelle Obama did in 8 years."

I'll comment on the other side.

The Atlanta Falcons won the popular vote.

Stan Borenson the famous accordion player and comedian passed away last month and this was his last joke, you have to say it with a Svedish accent

So Lena calls up the newspaper and asks for obituaries.

"Hello this is obituaries can we help you?"

Lena says yes I'd like to take out an obituary

the newspaper man asks "what would you like it to say?

Lena says "I'd like it to say "Ollie died"

The newspaper man said is that all?

Lena said Well he did die.

The newspaper man said we have a special you can get five words for the price of two, is there anything else you'd like to say?

Lena said Ya sure let's say "Ollie died boat for sale"

so funny .. i like this

A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a door to door vacuum salesman back in Idaho."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

After the first day on the job, the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

The boss says ,"Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

"That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says, "$101,237.65."

The boss, astonished, says, $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!"

nice jokes thanks to everyone to share these post.

I just want to share a compilation of jokes...

100 funny jokes by 100 comedians - Comedy

A husband and wife had some Venison they were going to make for dinner, but were afraid to tell their young children what they were eating. As the kids were eating one asked dad what it was, dad said I’ll give you a hint “it’s what mommy calls me sometimes.” The young daughter yells “spit it out its *******!”

A guy invents a helmet to translate what a dog is saying when it barks. He calculates and tinkers for months and finally has a working model. He puts it on and waits for the dog to bark. He is rewarded shorty when a cat walks through the yard and the dog vigorously starts to bark and he hears, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

It's good to ready funny jokes. It brightens up the day.